Thursday, June 28, 2007


I have a need to witness about how God has been working in my life, but I don’t know the words and I’m wondering how my sentences, paragraphs, and phrasing will turn out; however, my goal is to honor God and so I write – in the hope that my words will make sense when I’ve had more sleep.

I have been under attack for many years. The attacks have been of certain categories, and certainly they have attacked in waves, but have focused on two predominant categories.

The first was an attack of loneliness. I do not know whether it was caused by my family's modest gypsy-like travel docket, the assignments of a parent to be not-present, the loss of a treasured friend early on, the discovery of perversion in a public place, dreams that placed me at odds with the authorities in my family, or some combination, but the first measured attack was that of loneliness. I can distinctly remember feeling suicidal, apathetic, seeking answers and being disconnected from everyone around me. Regardless of the cause, the attacks were very real, and it was through various means that God has saved me from suicide, insanity, and worse.

The second was perversion. I believe it was introduced through the earlier public perversion, magnified by the loneliness, and reinforced through peer and family, to the point where it was the norm for many years – for perversion is a special kind of deception that implies it is its own standard. It breeds rebelliousness, pride, false-righteousness, haughtiness, and points only to itself. This, much like creating an opening for loneliness, directed me back still more to loneliness.

And so both attacks mirrored one another, the result being a life that has had much potential but for which little potential was claimed.

Of late it has been pointed out that I had chosen, some time prior to the recent framework, to agree with a few forms of perversion … the result was a spiritual deadening and destruction that directed me to still worse forms of perversion … and it has only been His holy hands and will that have given me the strength to turn away from what looked like a completely sane and perfectly natural path to walk - for God's ways are not our ways. So GREAT are His ways!!!

I write these words to both remind myself how far God has brought me and to draw attention to the two categories which God drawn me close to him - for I believe that much like before, loneliness wants to creep in and become a part of my life. I claim that God has HEALED the years the locusts have eaten, I claim deliverance, and I claim an awareness that God has something greater!

Thank you, Jesus, for reminding me that I need you, that one of my weaknesses is to choose loneliness, and that only through prayer, humility, and faith can we heal, draw closer to you, and claim the reality of hope.

Thank you, Jesus, for never giving up on me and for giving me hope – and for wanting me delivered more than I could ever imagine. And for reminding me of my weakness.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007


I have recently achieved ownership of a book by one Frank E. Peretti - it is a compilation of two 'blockbuster novels in one volume: This Present Darkness and Piercing The Darkness'. I'm on the fourth chapter of the first book, This Present Darkness, and I'm as a honed blade, more aware than ever how my life is often one praise report after another and how often I am under attack. I claim it as a blessing, but the closer I feel and know myself to be attentive to the words of my Lord and Savior Christ Jesus, the more often I feel as if so many, many other distractions are far more alluring. I am reminded that the result of accepting and following any one of those distractions is always, reliably, and explicitly, a falling away from Christ Jesus.

And so I claim it as a blessing, to know that I'm being singled out, because it means I am a believer, a member of the body of Christ, and that God has a purpose for the tools, talents, and resources He has given me. And I am awakened to the reality that the single greatest shared characteristic of the believer is the capacity, certainly spiritual in origin, to withstand such attacks - for said endurance is not of the flesh and it is only through the grace and mercy of my Lord and Savior that surviving to the last is possible.

So I encourage you - you who are reading this journal, this blog, these words - hold fast, stand humbled before Jesus, and spend time daily, as often as He leads, and more often if you aren't led, to open yourself to ONLY Jesus and ache to hear the words of He who loves you!

Call to action
Resolve to set aside daily a time for hearing Christ Jesus BEFORE you start your day.
Begin your day in reverent, focused, first-love prayer.
Plan on beginning your day with such prayer, going to sleep a little earlier the day before.
Resolve to set aside daily a time for hearing Christ Jesus DURING your day.
Choose to pray prior to minor events, during lunch, and throughout the hours of your day.
Plan on giving God a sacrifice of praise by setting aside an hour for just Him.
Resolve to set aside daily a time for hearing Christ Jesus AFTER your day.
Awaken the sweet Love you have for Christ and claim His will in your life.
Plan on capping your day with the presence of Jesus.
Don't go seeking after Jesus, instead spend time hearkening to His love, words, and direction.

Thursday, June 21, 2007


Deliverance is a very prickly subject. Most believers have an opinion about it - sometimes that opinion is based on scripture, sometimes it is based on what a particularly revered speaker says, sometimes it is based on personal experience, and sometimes it is gleaned from popular culture. Regardless, deliverance is real, and something every believer should research. They should do so for at least two reasons.
1 - Demons are real.
2 - Spiritual protection only protects those who engage it.

As a result, there are many people, the world over, under the influence of demons. I would argue, without the Holy Spirit, it is nearly impossible to defend yourself against demons. And here is where it gets sticky. The question is simple - can a believer be under the influence of a demon?

If you believe the answer is no, and you know someone is saved, then you could point to that person and state that they had a relationship with Jesus, thus fully believing they were free from influence. You likely believe that the person, prior to being saved, may or may not have had demons within them, or about them, and upon being saved were freed from the immediacy of the demons. Likely, you also believe that, because the New Testament makes no mention of deliverance where a believer is concerned, that it then can be argued that believers have no real need for deliverance.

If you believe the answer is yes, whether someone were saved wouldn't indicate the presence of a demon, it would merely indicate that the person had more tools with which to fight the demon. You likely believe that the person, regardless of their state, will have demons within and about them, believe that everyone has demons about them, and upon being saved were given the first set of real tools to combat those demons. Likely, you also believe that, because the old testament makes mention of deliverance, and because the Old Testament is the New Testament concealed, that deliverance is very real and for today.

I have my own opinions in this matter, and I don't wish to sway you - what I wish for you to do is truly delve into the matter. I have personally seen too many people delivered, people who were believers, who clearly loved Jesus and were saved, and who were given deliverance, to be convinced that believers aren't under the influence of demons. Likewise, I believe that the whole of scripture is true, thus anything in the New Testament that doesn't quite make sense can often be clarified from the Old Testament, and events in the Old Testament can often be expounded in the New Testament. They are similar messages bound in different parchment but from the same source.

My only true wish is that you pray before and during your quest for information on this subject - I believe this one subject to be so fundamental to a believer's walk that it can dictate whether they truly are freely able to access the Lord's love and walk His path.

Call to action
Research deliverance
Much like selling cars or anything else, the primary purpose of sales is not to sway so much to research. And the best salesmen convince others to purchase from them by providing that research that best exemplifies their point. So your best defense against immoral salespeople is to conduct your own research. Thus, delve into scripture, with prayer, and ask God to reveal to you the truth about deliverance.

Purpose deliverance
Much likely prayer and fasting, deliverance can bring you closer to God's heart. Akin to the reactive deliverance that fasting exemplifies, acting on and realizing proactive deliverance can not only cause a real and sometimes immediate improvement in our walk in Christ but can also gird us against different types of spiritual attack.

Realize deliverance
Once you've researched deliverance and discover who can be its recipients, seek God's will about whether you should be involved in the administration of deliverance. There are billions who would benefit from being freed and released from the demons that sway their decisions, minds, and hearts, have destroyed family lives, and have kept them from hearing and hearkening to God's heart. Being a part of someone's deliverance, and seeing God work the miracle that deliverance is in someone's life is a profound life-changing event.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007


The potential for joy, in living out God's will for one's life, is profound - enough to submerge any kind of fear, any kind of sorrow, any kind of pain ... if we have the courage to claim that joy.

One of the most amazing gifts that the Holy Spirit grants is being in one accord. It is a powerful and moving thing to know that a group of people, who all serve the same God, can bring together completely different paradigms, experiences, ages, and perceptions, yet be of one accord, because each is dedicated to focusing and observing the tenets given them, through scripture and Holy Spirit, and to love Him and one another. Indeed, I firmly believe that with the Holy Spirit, any conflict can be resolved, and without it, none can truly be surpassed.

That being said, the exact opposite is quite painful. If you've ever tasted single accordance, come to know and expect it between believers, and then experience its lack during a particularly intense discussion: you know it is painful. You go in knowing each of you loves the Lord, you go in knowing that each of you has had separate testimonies and has personal, Holy-Spirit-enriched
evidence that the Lord is very real, and come out a bit spiritually flustered. It is very much like waking to a wife of a decade (or four) and realizing an inability to speak about something you'd been lovingly sharing for years.

Given the reality of this possibility, I strongly encourage each reader of this blog to assume the heroic mantle of humility and come before the Lord, reinforcing your walk with Christ, so that in the event such a lack-of-accord occurs, you can focus on your walk with Christ and not the dissonance that seems to resonate from such a spiritual separation. And let the Lord Jesus Christ guide each person involved to His will.

Call to action
Pray. Pray with everything you have. Pray without ceasing. Be modest, humble, and come before His thrown with clarity of thought and purpose. Pray.

Sunday, June 17, 2007

relationships and time machines

Before I begin, I'm going to make some assumptions. I'm going to assume that you, visitor-to-my-blog, know of God and that you believe that an instantiation of Him, namely Jesus, came to be born, live, and voluntarily gave up His life. These are, to me, givens ... and I mention them because they are assumptions I bring to the table. These are the easy assumptions.

I am also going to assume that your understanding of your responsibility to God includes a relationship with God. And that you are accountable to Him to claim and accept the sacrifice of Jesus daily, to die to self daily, and to seek your day's attributes through your relationship to Him. This is the harder of the two assumptions - it is less passive and far more involved. Especially because it can touch on nearly every decision of your life.

Thus, I now reach the point in this post where the essence of the content is broached. And I bring notes to consider.
I - I have confirmation that a beautiful woman is to be my wife.
That said woman is the same woman I have been courting.
That said woman is on the same page as regards being my wife.
That said confirmation has come from several points, directly connecting to several miracles.
II - I have confirmation this is not something that is approached with equal degrees of joy.
That said joy is not shared across the board.
That said confirmation was not received by every onlooker.

And thus I have learned, and been reminded, that the Lord's timing and guidance are needed in all things, especially a marriage. That the Lord has His own time table for things. And one of the greatest faith-building exercises are to gain faith through acting as if the faith were already there. And that the Lord is in control, and to focus on anything else inevitably magnifies the real nature of your relationship to God. Either your focus will bring your heart more in line with God or it won't.

Call to action:
Please agree with my prayers that I have the wisdom to hearken to God. Please agree with my prayers that I have the foresight, patience, and focus to act on the hearkening to God.
Please agree with my prayers that others involved in this process see clearly what God wants them to see, are blessed by the revelation, and are too able to act in accordance with the will of Jesus Christ.


Wednesday, June 13, 2007

My (never late) Jesus

Note: for those who peruse both, this post is different than its counterpart at Xanga.

Today I woke up rushing. I saw the minutes, saw the hour, realized the time, and jumped out of bed, wondering what I should attack first, becoming one of those hyper-planning mad scientist you see in the old black-and-white movies. I prepared to send apologies to my carpool ride (for this is my week to drive), worded in hushed and hurried tone phrases designed to describe my less-than-timely state, and explain why I would be a little later than our best laid plans.
Then I looked again at the clock and realized I was not late, but an hour early. Such happens when you get up between five and seven in the morning - five and six look alike and a rushed approach will often lead one to the wrong conclusion!

Some assume lateness on the part of Jesus. I personally don't do it often, but I know I have at least once challenged God to explain why something or someone happened in the order and manner that it occurred, chiefly because I believed it should have happened in some other order, or at a different time. I believe the reason for this is easy to see - if we are made in the image of God, and Jesus was made (physically, at least) similarly to us, we might conclude that Jesus (and thus God) had some of our own weaknesses, in particular that of an ability to mis-schedule, double-book, or the like, with the result that events don't take place in the way that is expected.

The thing to remember is simply: by whose standard are they unexpected?

Call to action
Notice events today you consider inappropriately timed
Examples include a traffic light that doesn't go as planned, a phone call that lasts longer or shorter than you'd like, hobbies that don't get to happen, or clothes you intended to wash that you never got around to washing.
Examples also include making that traffic light, getting just the phone call you need to keep you going, a hobby you were able to pick up after a decade of not touching it, and a spare pair of clean socks.

Realize that God is the God of everything and everywhen
Even of events that don't seem to happen when you expect.
Even of timeframes that you expect cannot happen, people who will not change, and governments who do not govern justly.

Claim joy and praise Him
Spend time, preferably at least an hour (but seek His guidance as to how long), praising Him for the fact that everything in your life happens, ultimately, to glorify Him. Thank Him for that missed traffic light, for the phone call you never wanted to take (or make), for that hobby you were finally able to pick up, and for that relative you did not want to visit (but who showed up anyway).
Thank Him for all the various events in your day that went according to "plan" too, for those events that were mundane and boring and obvious, like the sun rising, how food tastes, and being able to read these words. Thank Him, also, for your senses - for the autonomous manner in which your senses work, mostly without any effort on YOUR part.