Love

I went to a Bible study today - and it showed me how far I had come.

I used to be the question guy - more focused on debating the merits of perspectives instead of shooting from the hip. My goal was simple - if I gathered enough information, asked enough questions, but didn't push too hard, I would gain a clear understanding of things.

I met myself at the Bible study. I was thin, sleepy, friendly, passive, and when directly pressed, I responded with a position focused more on posturing than listening. And what a dance it was - people rising to the occasion, suggesting this course of action or that - I continued to detract from their approaches, pointing out that nobody really knew anything and perspectives that are based on subjective reality are objectively valid - good stuff, if you want atheistic ammunition.

I saw who I was, who I had the potential to be still, and who I had seen God deliver me from being, and I ran out of time, unable to witness fully to him. But I know God used me in some way and believe that His will was done in that Bible study.

I am no longer the frazzled, unfocused teenager using wit, perception, intelligence, and arbitrary philosophies to build air castles out of subjective frameworks. I am no longer the beleaguered young man searching for answers, failing to listen in the hopes of hearing just one more answer to the same question, and no daring to actually put into practice the information I got. I am no longer the man with no home, no hope, no foundation, and no past.

God has healed the years the locusts have eaten.
God has given me a new voice, a new heart, new eyes, a new compass, and new hope.
God has chosen me for the job of being me - and none other was ever better or more perfectly qualified.

I am glad I met the man I once was.
And I am excited about teaching my own children in such a way that the man I once was remains dead.